every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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