Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
