vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need to calm my uterus...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
