This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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