Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
