someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
