There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
