he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
