Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
