wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
