I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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