She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
