My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
