I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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