Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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