its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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