my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
