I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
