You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize