This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
