Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
