I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
