Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
