hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
