i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
