you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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