i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
