I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
