I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
