also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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