her vagina looked like bernie madoff
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
