I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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