Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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