Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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