so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
