i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
