Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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