I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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