whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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