NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
