I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
