You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just pee around me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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