i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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