im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
