you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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