Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
