no, he came in my armpit
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize