Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
