Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
