i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
