He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Naked. naked and bneed help.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
