now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
