I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
