I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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