your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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