I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
