Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
