I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
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