guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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