Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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