I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
