My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
