i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
