margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
