but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
