so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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