Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
