the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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