He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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