i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
