Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
