I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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