3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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