at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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