If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
