i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
