she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
