I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
