Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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